I went to see The Reader tonight in furtherance of my Oscar-quest. Ordinarily when I hate a movie I'll enjoy writing a long, vituperative review of its suckiness. But I'm just so tired and angry about this piece of shit that this angry rant, posted initially on the Sergio Leone Web Board, will suffice for a full-length review.
This movie was utter shit. A complete waste of $8.50 and two hours.
I'll get the Jerry Falwell complaint out of the way first. Half of the movie's first hour is literally nothing but sex scenes, again and again. I'm not a prude by any means, but the fact that 90% of this section of the film involves sex scenes, or penis/muff shots, or Kate Winslet's wet nipples through a bra, or shirtless dudes and girls in bikinis, one goes from titilated to nonplussed to awkward and uncomfortable. I wouldn't even mind it that much, IF IT SERVED A PURPOSE!!! As it is, it serves no purpose but existence for its own sake; it doesn't aid in plot or character development in any way, and after awhile it's not even sexy.
Now I wouldn't complain about something as trivial as that if the movie had something else to offer. But it doesn't (and it actually isn't that trivial all things considered). Once the story actually gets (belatedly) underway, the movie revolves around the most stupid plot imaginable: (spoilers, but who cares?) Kate Winslet can't read. This serves virtually no purpose except at all, except to have her shut away in prison for a crime she committed during WWII (in one of the most ridiculous courtroom scenes I've seen in a long time) because she won't admit to her illiteracy. This might be an interesting idea, but the movie drops it immediately for Kate Winslet's reading and writing lessons (the funniest scene of which is where she learns how to read by hearing "The" and circling the word every time it occurs on a page. Good thing the film was in English, given that most Germans have six words for "the".). The inclusion of Holocaust-based material provides no interest other than a veneer of historical "respectibility" and really has little to do with anything; the film provides some brief debates of morality vs. law which MIGHT be interesting in a different context but just thud here amidst the general shittiness. The plot doesn't even get started until about an hour in, and even then it never develops into any thing interesting, except Winslet's struggles with literacy. Winslet and the teen douche don't have the slightest chemistry and Ralph Fiennes doesn't even show up until the last half hour (okay, there's a framing story that's established and then almost immediately dropped). The coda is absolute bullshit: it's not even sentimental, it's just stupid.
The acting is pretty good (although the material they have to work with is awful) and the technical aspects are well-done, but given how shitty everything else is these are extremely back-handed complements. This movie just fucking sucks; it's so bad I can't even be bothered to write an in-depth review detailing it's badness. That's really bad. Don't waste your time or money. 3/10 and that's being generous.
That leaves only Benjamin Button of the Best Picture nominees, to which I say: Thank God!
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